TITLE: And if you think that I'm wrong this never meant nothing to ya
CHAPTER: 3/?
PAIRING: Gerard/Mikey (Waycest)
RATING: something between pg-13 and R.
DISCLAIMER: not really real even though I've stolen things from real events. This is my twisted version of them.
WARNING: Waycest. Implied and/or mentioned drug use
part onepart twoMikey woke up hot and sweaty to find his face pressed up into Gerard's throat, his lips parted against the hollow, and his brother's fingers slowly rubbing his hip bone where it peeked out from between his t-shirt and boxers. Closing his mouth he left a short kiss to the skin in front of him (it could be innocent if he wanted it to be), and moved back to see his brother's tired but beautiful face. "Morning," he said, voice thick with sleep.
"Morning, Mikey." Gerard smiled, stretching out his limbs with a wince. "Head feels like shit."
"I'll bet," Mikey whispered and rubbed his eyes before reaching for his glasses which usually hung from the bunk above him, for easy access. Usually, because he couldn't find them.
"Gee, you see-"
"Here."
Mikey looked to see Gerard had them in his hands, and closed his eyes as they were gently slipped onto his nose.
"Thanks."
"Gerard, Mikey, Brian got coffee 'cause he's off soon. Get up if you want some. Otherwise, I'm gonna drink yours."
They heard Bob open Gerard's bunk curtain with an "oh" as he realized Gerard wasn't in there. Mikey's bunk next, of course. "Guys? Coffee's up," he didn't look in, just spoke through the curtain. Mikey knew why, he knew what Bob was expecting to find. But he didn't want the others to start asking questions when nothing had happened, when he was the only one who wished for it. So he reached over his brother to pull the curtain back himself.
"Thanks, be out in a sec."
................
Not being near New Jersey, the drive home took a while and they had a couple of stops to make, a couple of small shows. Gerard's trips to the bathroom had been increasing in frequency-increasing the worry from Mikey and the others. It got to the point where Gerard didn't bother hiding it from the band anymore, would do lines wherever he felt like it so long as it was only them to witness it. He framed his eyes in red. It made him look a little crazy, but detracted from the glazed look of them. His shoulder length hair unwashed and limp as it tucked into the back of whatever hoody he wore.
.................
"Hey, Mikey-Mike," Gerard slurred out, stumbling a little onto the lounge couch next to his brother later that night. "What'cha doing?" he asked, looking at the tv screen Mikey was transfixed by and fidgeting like mad. Picking at his pajamas and biting his nails.
"Star Wars," Mikey answered flatly, not looking at Gerard, but not really looking at the tv anyway. He just didn't want to see Gerard in such a mess. "Couldn't sleep."
"Me neither. Man, I could go for a run. You wanna come running with me? Feeling so pumped right now." he threw an arm over Mikey's shoulders and tugged him closer.
Mikey turned to him, eyebrows furrowed. "
We're on a moving bus. Running is not gonna happen unless you wanna play catch up." He turned back to the tv.
"I could totally do that. Will you wave out of the window?"
"No. Why don't you just... I'm going to bed." Mikey shrugged Gerard off his shoulders and got up. "You want this on?" he motioned to the tv.
"Nah. I wasn't watching it anyway. Thought you weren't tired."
"I'm not." Mikey sighed and took a deep breath, leaning down to hug his brother quickly. "Night, Gee."
Gerard waited until Mikey was as close to the bunk area as he could get and still think he was able to reach him, before running from his seat and jumping onto Mikey's back.
"Fuck! Gee," Mikey just about got his hands out in front of him to stop them both crashing into the wall. "What the hell?"
Gerard giggled, mouth next to Mikey's ear and tightened his legs around his waist. "What? C'mon, I used to do this for you all the time."
"Yeah," Mikey turned back towards the couch to dump his brother on it. "But I was five. I weighed like, nothing." He held onto kitchen area counters to get his balance as Gerard shifted.
"Is that meant to be a fat joke? Just more of me to love, Mikey, more of me to love."
"You know that's not what I meant." Mikey stopped for a second, waiting for Gerard to sit still. He was kinda heavy but Mikey wouldn't have called him fat.
Gerard petted Mikey's hair gently and spoke quietly, talking almost as if to himself. "Saw you, you know?"
Mikey rolled his eyes. "What?" He shook his head, and his brother's fingers from it for a second, wondering what kind of shit was going through Gerard's mind this time.
"This morning.
Heard you."
Mikey gulped. He could've been talking about anything, not necessarily-
"
Fuck, Mikey, it was. It was so..."
Shit, Mikey thought, leaning heavily on the counter. Gerard shifted again, fingers of one hand swiping slowly across Mikey's neck and up to his ear. "...So
hot."
A bump in the road almost knocked Gerard off, but he was holding tight, one hand back in Mikey's hair as he turned his head towards him. Mikey closed his eyes, tried to shrug his brother off. "You should, you should try and rest or s-something."
"Or something," Gerard repeated, ghosting his lips against Mikey's cheek. "I know what you were thinking about,
who you were thinking about when you were-you were touching yourself. Weren't you?"
"Gee, get off. Please."
"Best idea you've had all week, Mikey-Mike. Wanna help?" he ground his hips into Mikey's back and laughed. "Silly question, right? Of
course you do."
"That's not, no. Get down!" Mikey said a little more aggressively, managing to wriggle free of Gerard finally even though his hands lingered in his hair.
Gerard spoke calmly, turning Mikey to face him as he backed up to the counter. "It's okay, Mikey. It's pretty sick, I know. But... I'm not above being pretty sick. You know that."
"No, you heard wrong," Mikey shook his head, hoping to bluff his way out of it. He did want, of course he did, but... He looked at Gerard who was smiling softly at him, his eyes a little fuzzy and pupils
huge. It was kinda dark, but as Gerard started rubbing at his face he knew it was more than just a side affect of the dim lighting. No, not like this.
"Can't feel my fuckin' face. 'S all funny," Gerard smirked. "Here," he pulled Mikey's hand from where it was gripping the counter top and moved it to his face. Mikey stroked Gerard's cheek for a moment, hoping to placate him and change the subject, hoping for once that he was too high to remember any of it after he slept it off.
Gerard's face fell, a forlorn look gracing his features. "Can't really feel it, Mikey. I can't," he whispered. "Want to though. I want to. Maybe, maybe if you..." He stepped closer, nudging Mikey's legs apart with his own and standing between them, leaning into him. "Kiss me?"
Mikey shook his head, "no, no I-"
"Please?" Gerard pressed his mouth to his brothers gently, holding Mikey's hand to his cheek. "Please?" he pleaded again, and Mikey only had so much resolve where Gerard was concerned. It was ebbing away by the second. Licking at Mikey's bottom lip, Gerard started grinding against him, his want evident through his pants. "C'mon, Mikes, it's just me."
Mikey let himself give in for a second, parting his lips against Gerard's, not sure he had much choice not to. He'd wanted this moment for so long. But no,
not like this, he reminded himself. He wanted the Gerard that was clear headed and focussed, not the mess in front of him. "I can't, Gee. I can't." He turned his face away, leaving Gerard's mouth to wander at his neck and held his hands up to make it clearer. "I can't do-"
"Tell me," Gerard groaned into his throat, snaking his hand down to the front of Mikey's jeans. Mikey was glad he hadn't bothered changing to his sleep-ware yet. "Tell me this," he palmed Mikey hard, didn't take long to produce the desired effect. "Tell me this doesn't say otherwise."
"
Gee," Mikey's head dropped onto Gerard's shoulder. He tried desperately not to arch into his brother's hand but his low moan betrayed his denial.
"How's that, Mikey? Like it like that?" Gerard moved his hand slower, loosening his grip and trailing a single finger down Mikey's prominent length. "Or softer? Wanna make you feel
so good."
Mikey's breath hitched. He felt it, felt his heart start to pound and ring in his ears. "I, no. Don't, I don't want-"
"You don't want this? I want this, Mikey,
I want you," Gerard practically growled, nudging at Mikey's cheek with his chin and reaching for the button on his jeans.
"Gerard," Mikey managed, sounding as firm as he could. "No," he batted his brother's fingers away. "We're not, I'm not. Just, no. Okay? No." He pushed Gerard away gently with hands to his chest.
"What wrong with me, Mikey?" he rubbed at his face again. Over his cheeks and chin, his nose. "What is it? I heard you, you know I did-"
"Gee, y-you did. Alright? You heard me. But I never wanted you like this," he tried to explain softly, calmly.
"Like what?" Gerard asked, confused. He stepped closer again, running his fingers through his hair. "Am I not good enough when it's real? Is it only good when it's in your head? Huh? How do you want me, Mikey? How?"
His voice was unsure, bordering on anger and Mikey couldn't. He couldn't think. Gerard was biting his nails again, pulling at his hair, rubbing his face like he didn't want it anymore and Mikey couldn't take it.
"I want you not fucked up!" he shouted as loud as he dare, regretting it immediately as Gerard shrunk back away from him against the wall. Mikey hurried over to him, burying his face in the material or Gerard's pajama top and holding him tight around his neck. "I want you clean, Gee. I don't want you to live like this anymore," he started sobbing quietly, shaking in Gerard's arms. "I love you, I. I can't handle this anymore."
"Shhh, it's okay Mikes. It's okay," Gerard said soothingly, kissing his brothers forehead and rubbing his back in small circles. "I, it's okay. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
With a little wobble, he lifted Mikey into his arms and carried him through to his bunk, laying him in it and taking his glasses off. "Sleep," he stroked the hair from Mikey's face and the tears from his cheeks, pulling the cover up over him. "Sleep," he whispered again as Mikey's sobs dulled.
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